Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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