So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
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I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
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What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
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