ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
cat food counts as protein by the way
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i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
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How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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