if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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