just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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