My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he puts the penis in happiness.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
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Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
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Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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