Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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