I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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