I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I have tasted many bathrooms
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize