somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
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Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
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The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
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