Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize