Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
