drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Found the puke drawer
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize