I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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