fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
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I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
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Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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