His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
