Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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