Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
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