she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
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If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
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I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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