I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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