I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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