wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
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Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
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does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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