Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
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He uses pillows to masturbate.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
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well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
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