you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize