any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You pole danced in your parka.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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