whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize