Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize