omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
All I want is dick and wine.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize