Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize