I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
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So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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