a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
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I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
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Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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