ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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