I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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