After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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