Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
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Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
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Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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