I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
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The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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