apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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