id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
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How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
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Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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