I can text with my tongue
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
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I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
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It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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