What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
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I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
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Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
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