So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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