I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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