Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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