So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
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next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
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I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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