I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
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I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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