I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize