Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.