You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
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There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.