i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
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I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.