This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
please don't ironically join a cult
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
