he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
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doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
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Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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